Yer Hard Edged Dictionary o' Glaswegian and Scottish words.


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No' Rabbie Burns - funny Scottish Poems

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Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road? - hilarious Scottish jokes.


A Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt - witty Scottish proverbs.

A Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt

Ned Speak

Learn  the lingo of the Scottish Ned - and you will love them even more.

glasgow slang words

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 Glaswegian words beginning : Q
Glaswegian English Example and Translation
Quaich Cup

Quaich is a special kind of shallow two-handled drinking cup or bowl. It derives from the Scottish Gaelic cuach meaning a cup.

 Scottish Quaich

Quantum macannae Expression that implies that it is absolutely impossible to do something. Naw, Ah quantum macannae go tae the pub the night - the burd says Ah need tae take her oot.
Queerie Eccentric person.

 Eccentric girl wearing traditional costume of Aberdeen

Quine A young girl.

(From the Doric dialect)

Are ye a loon or a quine?"

Are you a boy or a girl or a transvestite?

There's nae mair words startin' wae Q - right!

From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?

by Stuart McLean

Football Jokes

Why have Stirling never won the Scottish Cup?
Because every time they get a corner, they put a fish and chip shop on it.

Not all managers are as bright as one might hope. Apparently the boss of one Premier Division team, on seeing the headlines, ‘Van Gough up for sale at £10,000,000’ rushed across to Paris in an attempt to sign him up.

I much prefer fantasy football to the real thing. My winning team is Angelina Jolie, Kelly Brook, Jessica Alba, Keira Knightly . . .


You know you’re supporting Scotland’s worst team if :

They play in 0-0-10 formation.
The digital scoreboard has three digits for opponent goals.
You consider a 5-1 defeat a moral victory.
The referee apologises for every decision against your team.
The team pray before kickoff.
At half time the team receive stress therapy.
There’s an uproar of delight if they gain a corner kick.
The club’s lucky mascot keeps having freak accidents.
Opposition players get sent off for laughing.
There are fewer supporters than players.
They are sponsored by the local Brownies.
The groundsman earns more than any of the players.

Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?

why did the haggis cross the road

Scottish / Glaswegian Word List - click for more details:


Quantum macannae




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John Logie Baird and Television : Images Across Space by yon smart guy Dr. Douglas Brown

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NOTE: The contents of this site are copyright Stuart McLean / Stuart Macfarlane and should not be used in any way without permission. Many of the images on the site have been submitted by visitors - we believe these to be copyright free - however, if you own copyright to any, please let us know and they will be removed or suitable attribution included.

If you spot any errors or have other Glaswegian, Scottish or Doric works you would like added to our list please drop us an email.

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