From Why Did the
Haggis Cross the Road?
by Stuart McLean
Why have Stirling never won the Scottish Cup?
Because every time they get a corner, they put a fish and
chip shop on it.
Not all managers are as bright as one might hope. Apparently
the boss of one Premier Division team, on seeing the
headlines, ‘Van Gough up for sale at £10,000,000’ rushed
across to Paris in an attempt to sign him up.
I much prefer fantasy football to the real thing. My winning
team is Angelina Jolie, Kelly Brook, Jessica Alba, Keira
Knightly . . .
You know you’re supporting Scotland’s worst team if :
They play in 0-0-10 formation.
The digital scoreboard has three digits for opponent goals.
You consider a 5-1 defeat a moral victory.
The referee apologises for every decision against your team.
The team pray before kickoff.
At half time the team receive stress therapy.
There’s an uproar of delight if they gain a corner kick.
The club’s lucky mascot keeps having freak accidents.
Opposition players get sent off for laughing.
There are fewer supporters than players.
They are sponsored by the local Brownies.
The groundsman earns more than any of the players.