Yer Hard Edged Dictionary o' Glaswegian and Scottish words.

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Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road? - hilarious Scottish jokes.

why-did-the-haggis-cross-the-road

A Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt - witty Scottish proverbs.

A Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two Up Your Kilt

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Learn  the lingo of the Scottish Ned - and you will love them even more.

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 Glaswegian words beginning : I
 
Glaswegian English Example and Translation
Ile Oil Ah'll need tae ile the car.

The Vauxhal Nova needs its daily gallon of cheap engine oil.

Iled Drunk, pissed  
Ilk The same  

Ilka

Everyone / All  
In't Is not  
In't Ah Am I not In't Ah dead gallus wae these new trackies.

Okay - so I look like a prick!

Intae or Inty                          Into Ah'm right intae books so Ah um.

I read the Beano and the Dandy every single week.

Irn Bru (BarrBru) Irn Bru (BarrBru)
cordial noun
Irn Bru is a mild citrus drink that tastes like old rusting girders. Nevertheless despite competition from Buckfast, Tennents Lager, Carlsburg Special, Bad Jelly, Metz, Black Jack , Grolsch, and countless others, Irn-Bru is the Ned’s ‘other national drink’.

[From Ned Speak by Stuart McLean]
 

Yer Other National Drink by Stuart McLean
Chorus:
O Whit’ll ye hae for drinking, for drinking, for drinking?
Whit’ll ye hae for drinking?
Ah’ll hae an Irn-Bru.

There’s monie a tipple in this land,
Beer an’ vodka an’ Buckie too,
But when Ah’m no drinking whisky,
Ah’d rather hae Irn-Bru.

Ah’d never take a sip o’ gin,
And cider makes me sick,
So when Ah want tae quench a thirst,
The Barrbru dis the trick.

Ye ken its made frae girders,
Stolen oot o’ building sites,
And then its mixed wae necter,
For a taste that aye delights.

So when yer next at the shops,
Pick up a jumbo pack,
Or better still, make that two,
Tae save ye rushing back.

[From No' Rabbie Burns by Stuart McLean]

 

Irn Bru Girl

Scottish Girl drinking Irn Bru

Isnae Isn't  
It At Aye sure Ah'll go out wae ye - Ah'll see ye it the pub it seven.

I would be delighted to go on a date with you. Be at the pub by seven - if I don't turn up by nine then assume I've done you a dizzy.

Ither

Other Naw, no that yin, yer ither yin.

That is the not the correct one - the other one that you possess would be preferable.

 
 


From Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?

by Stuart McLean

Tartan & Kilt Jokes

A Japanese businessman goes into a kilt-makers to enquire about having kilts made for his entire family. Realising that there’s a massive profit to be made the kilt-maker is keen to get the sale.
“The only problem,” says the business man, “is that I don’t expect we belong to any Scottish Clan.”
“Actually you do,” says the kilt-maker without hesitation, “Tokushimanachahati is part of the MacGullible Clan – we have plenty of tartan in stock.”
 


For his eighteenth birthday a rich aunt gives Paul a bale of tartan and money to have a kilt made. He goes to a kilt maker and gets measured up. As he’s a bit shy he asks the kilt maker to make some matching undies. Two weeks later Paul goes back to the shop.
"Your kilt and underwear are ready,” says the kilt maker. “and there was five yards of material left over.”
“That’s grand,” replies Paul, “Maybe I could get my girlfriend a matching kilt.”
Paul rushed home. Excitedly he pulls on the kilt. He loves it so much he immediately dashes round to show his girlfriend. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.
When his girlfriend answers the door, Paul does a twirl and said, "Well, what do you think?"
"Wow," she exclaims.
"But here’s the biggest surprise,” he screeches, yanking up the kilt, “have you ever seen anything like that?”
"Oh, my God," says his girlfriend, “that’s amazing.”
"Well I've got five more yards at home,” says Paul eagerly. “I’d be happy to let you have it anytime"
 

Why Did the Haggis Cross the Road?

why did the haggis cross the road

Scottish / Glaswegian Word List - click for more details:

le

Iled

Ilk

Ilka

In't

In't Ah

Intae or Inty                         

Irn Bru (BarrBru)

Isnae

It

Ither

 

 

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NOTE: The contents of this site are copyright Stuart McLean / Stuart Macfarlane and should not be used in any way without permission. Many of the images on the site have been submitted by visitors - we believe these to be copyright free - however, if you own copyright to any, please let us know and they will be removed or suitable attribution included.

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